Keeping On Keepin' On

Today is Pregnancy And Infant Loss Awareness Day. I have never marked this day in the past. I'm not terribly sentimental about this sort of thing, having had several miscarriages over the past number of years, but all the memorial posts and such in my Facebook news feed and Twitter stream this morning came at a bit of a bad time.

Earlier this year I had an unexpected pregnancy that resulted, 11 weeks later, in an unanticipated miscarriage. This coming Saturday, my 17th wedding anniversary, was my EDD. I should be 39wks pregnant right now and the reality that I'm not is sitting rather heavy this week. I'm doing okay, I am, but the loss of the idea is still a little raw. Fall is a wonderful time to have a baby. My friends are having babies.

I'm not having a baby.

I am okay, I really am, but this week I'm feeling a little sad and maybe a little more fragile that usual. My youngest is now out of diapers, and the baby stuff is being pushed aside for preschooler stuff, and I'm trying to wrap my mind around the idea that we're probably done with this whole baby thing. I don't even know if I could get pregnant again if I wanted to (and, oh, some days I really want to), but I don't know if I'm ready to turn my back on it all and close the baby factory for good, either.

Fertility is a twisty path, littered with emotional minefields.

In any case, today, pass on a little extra care to the women in your life. Pregnancy loss is a very common occurrence. You don't know what feelings they might be carrying around inside -- not everyone is comfortable talking about these things. Be gentle. Be attentive. Kindness is an easy thing to give.