Conflicted

Bluesfest is on in Ottawa right now and I'm planning to catch Crowded House for the first time ever next week. I've loved these guys as long as I've loved Blue Rodeo, listened to their greatest hits album on repeat while in childbirth, and refuse to miss this concert despite DH being suddenly unemployed. Boy#3 is just shy of 8wks old and evening is his "fussy time". He's only ever nursed and this suits both of us just fine, really. The running theory has been that I would leave a bottle (or three) for him and head off to the concert for the evening. In anticipation, I prepared a few ounces in a bottle for him tonight.

Little Dude was less than impressed. One might even say he was downright offended by the whole endeavor, He emptied the bottle contents, but then spent the next 30 minutes fussing and griping about the insult. I'm not sure this is the result I'm hoping for next week when I leave him for the evening. I'm going to try a different bottle nipple to see if it helps, but baby boy may end up going to his first concert next Thursday night after all!

I was prepared for him to be annoyed about the bottle, but what I wasn't prepared for was how weird and wrong it felt to be giving him one. My oldest son had quite a few bottles of pumped milk, my middle son had two or three -- I have no issue with the idea of giving my babies a bottle of pumped breastmilk, so I was really surprised and taken aback and how icky it felt to be feeding this baby with one. I'm not sure if it's because I know he's most likely our last baby, or because I'm somehow more "attached" and "in tune" with him than I was with my other babies (which I think I am, for various reasons), or if it's just because I know he wants me in the evenings and not a bottle of my milk. I'm going to give it another try, but I may just end up taking him with me to the concert.

It would be fitting, I think.