Checks and Balances : Adventures In Self-Medicating With Positives

Negative: #1 refused to eat anything more than a single piece of toast for breakfast and dh snarked at me a bit about two coop orders I am placing-- I handle early morning disagreements poorly, particularly right now as I'm decreasing my SSRI dosage. This started me off on entirely the wrong foot. To Turn It Around: I took a half hour to meander around my garden, smelling the roses and watering my plants after dropping the kids at school and the van at the garage. DONE

Negative: After struggling along with a dead battery for a few months, my laptop completely failed to turn on this morning -- the little green stand-by light on the power cord didn't come on, so I'm suspecting I now have a dead battery and a dead cord.

To Turn It Around: I logged onto dh's computer to check my email and updated my "Books Read in 2008" list. I also tentatively started looking around for power cord pricing -- surely they are cheaper than a new battery? Also, I made coffee. Everything feels better after a coffee. DONE

Negative: I had forgotten I've someone coming to pick up an Etsy order tonight (btw: yay! a sale!) and let the kids tear apart the front room last night making "cootie catchers" and popsicle stick puppets. I didn't bother cleaning it up before bed (lazy, lazy girl). Now I'm feeling overwhelmed by squalor.

To Turn It Around: I'm doing a massive load of kid laundry. Accomplishing something large, though easy, is like a little productivity adrenaline rush for me. DONE It will make the tidying more bearable -- particularly as I'll be doing it to the dulcet tones of the new Barenaked Ladies kids' CD. This is the must-have disc of the summer, btw. I'm hooked. It's awesome.

Negative: I'm a wee bit behind in finishing up a dear friend's birthday gift and I'm heading to her place with gifts, cards and wine tomorrow night to watch a girly movie.

To Turn It Around: I'll finish it up tonight watching crime shows. Everything goes quicker when accompanied by a little As-Seen-On-TV forensic science -- plus it gives me something to look forward to, thereby rendering my other chores today somewhat more bearable. DONE

Negative: My medical woes are overwhelming me this morning. The aforementioned decrease in SSRI dosage is giving me "numb face" -- it's that pins and needles feeling one gets when a limb "falls asleep", except it's on my face. It's hideously unpleasant and I'll be glad when I'm off this stuff. Also, I'm still bummed that my u/s on Tuesday confirmed that my cysts aren't going anywhere and that at least one of them is definitely an endometrioma and likely to keep expanding as long as I continue to menstruate or until it is removed (my current plan) or bursts (not the outcome I'm hoping for). I'm also finding the idea that I'm undergoing fertility testing a bit wearying -- at this point part of me wants to just say "Fuck It," have the surgery and see what happens. The other part of me knows I can't continue to TTC with the shadow of potential Fallopian Tube damage or other endo-related stuff hanging over my head -- it would make me crazy.

To Turn It Around: Try to banish these thoughts from my head until a day I'm in a less-crappy mood and distract myself by moving a couple giant hostas in my garden. DONE

If I'm really productive, I might also do a bit more mudding on my patio.

Oh yeah! I've been building a patio back in my Urban Jungle from recycled/reused patio stones. It's quite theraputic to smash concrete with a sledgehammer it turns out and I'm already looking forward to building the stone surface for our BBQ and smoker.

I'm hoping to get the thyme planted between the stones this weekend.

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ETA a list of "good things" for today:

• waking up first to #1 telling me to sleep a little more because he just wanted to snuggle a bit before getting up
• waking up a half hour later to #2 singing the "7 8 9" song by the Barenaked Ladies
• having #2 enthusiastically hug and kiss me goodbye in the school yard and then scream "I Love You, Mommy!" to me from the other side of the play yard as I left to head home
• having remembered to buy cream cheese yesterday so I could have it on my bagel today
• having a big bag of really awesome red grapefruit
• spending most of the day working in the yard
• feeling that my longterm vision for the backyard is really starting to unfold before me
• having a nice chat about nothing with the mechanic at the garage -- I love our garage
• moving a problematic rosebush I've been meaning to move for two years

My day seems to be turning around a bit. I'm not sure what I'm going to make for supper--it's a judo night and the boys are going to insist on sandwiches. It might just be sandwiches for everyone. I'm going to engage the boys in helping me clean up their mess when they get home. I also think I'm going to see if I can nab a hair appt for tomorrow morning when the boys are at school. I'm going short for summer -- I think I'll get it done more or less how I had it back in Summer 2006. My longer hair is just too damn warm with all the yard work I've been doing and it takes too long to dry. :)